pondering

I hesitate to write this because I really don't have the words formed anywhere near just the way I'd like. But I am getting something like that pounding, bursting, hot feeling in my chest that happens occasionally when I find myself sitting in a large gathering of people and suddenly feel there is something pressing I need to say out loud. The incredibly frightening part of getting such a feeling (like that and like this) is that I rarely ever have a clue what I will actually be saying out loud until after I open my mouth. For a person (like me) who is deathly afraid of public speaking, this fairly frequent occurrence can be more than a little unsettling.

But it's been many hours since the Solitude Retreat this past Saturday morning when I sat silently on a bench  staring at my own feet and outward at the feet of Mary, and this suggestion of a thought is now rambling around and around in my brain so loudly now that no matter how hard I try to distract myself, I only think it will get louder until I finally stop, submit and write it out.

(This is how things seem to go for me. Big stuff sticks and won't turn me loose. I simply have to write it out.)

Maybe this suggestion is sort of radical. Or maybe you have thought about this idea yourself for a long time and to you it makes perfect sense (if so, please let me know). Because I don't know (and hopefully I don't have to understand it, but merely name it). For me, this growing awareness began surfacing many years ago, when I finally began stretching awake from the dark and sleepy stupor of myself. Since the moment the alarm went off, my stumbling, morning walk has been equal parts comforting and terrifying in a kind of "it all seems so simple and so incredibly impossible" type of way.

But anyway, here goes...

What if the Second Advent we are preparing for during this Christmas Season of Expectation is less of an external event than it is an internal one? What if those of us who have accepted Jesus into our hearts are now being called to a deeper awareness of the physical and figurative in-dwelling of Christ? What if the Kingdom of God is so readily "at hand" that it exists right this very moment, right inside our very own hearts, and that we are walking around not even aware of it? What if, like Mary, we are each - man, woman and child alike - preparing ourselves for a great and sacred Birth that is impossible to fully comprehend and also impossible to delay? What if this "Birthing" is really a "Submitting" to the Christ who has always been Alive and Dwelling in our hearts/minds/souls from our very first breath on earth? And, what IF Christ's heavenly entry back into our broken, human world is intended and necessary and required to start in the womb of our own broken human lives and bodies? What if this miracle can only happen by way of the LOVE we commit to share with one another and  ALL THE OTHERS  through the surrender of the gift of our lives?

I hope this was what I was supposed to say out loud to whoever might read this today. Thanks for listening.

Peace for your Path,
Robin