juxtaposition

This word has fumbled around in my brain for a few years now...

Juxtapose means "To place together; put side by side." But the letters and the sounds of the letters blended into the word feel more like a jumbled mess in my head rather than an orderly, deliberate action. They feel like life can feel to me sometimes when I spend too much time lost in my thoughts and frozen in space and place.

Honestly, I am incredibly glad these forty days of Lent are finally over. Easter morning was more of a relief than a Joy to me this year. I finally managed to put up a couple of decorations late Saturday afternoon and even successfully cooked and tie-dyed six eggs with my son (I started with a dozen - seriously I do not cook). But through the whole weekend, I just felt like I was swimming under water: tear-blurry vision, clogged ears, pruny fingers and hard to take a full breath.

So many incredible things happened this Lent like the matzah bread and our little Seder dinner. Maundy Thursday's labyrinth walk for me was particularly special as I sat under the live oak trees. Earth Day falling on Good Friday was very emotionally significant, too, and I really felt the pain of our struggling planet. I set the intention of not giving up anything this Lent but rather adding a spirit of gratitude and I think I did a fairly good job of that (sort of).

But anyway...

See? This is my trap - looking backwards and trying to understand it all rather than moving forward. Ugh.

Today, I just read the Earth Day 4/22 reading on my Simple Abundance calendar.

"The search for authenticity is like living on a fault line; you never know when the earth is going to move beneath your feet. " - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Reading it now brought me full circle back to "juxtaposition" all over again. Maybe I'll sort this out soon...Let me know if you have any suggestions for me. I am open as can be right now to insight and enlightenment. Thanks.